i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
