i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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