i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
