Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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