Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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