i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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