I feel great
I just peed on a car
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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