oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
