The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
