Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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