i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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