She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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