in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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