So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
