the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
