found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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