I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
