Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She told me I should be a condom model.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
