i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
