One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
