How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
