'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
