I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
