Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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