he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
