Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
