and she was petting her beer can
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
