um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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