His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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