Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
