I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
