Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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