SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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