So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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