I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
