Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
