Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
