There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
