If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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