I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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