the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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