oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
