Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
