really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
