im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Randomize
