Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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