Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
