Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
