wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
