When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There are leaves in my underwear?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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