my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
