Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
