they need to just BURY HIM!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
