Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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