Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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