you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
