Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
