i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
