Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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