I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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