ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
