who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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